Terrible ending

The friends group was scheduled to move to their next phase last Saturday. All were doing well, eating on their own and gave up bottles days before this...how everything went wrong so fast I have no idea. Friday everyone was going well, they were active, eating and doing normal kitten things, I had no reason to suspect that tragedy would strike later on that night. At 5pm my daughter and I fed them and as normal they all ate well and settled down for a nap. About 6:30 it was time to bathe them so that they would be nice and clean and full of good smells for the next morning for their journey to Kitchener. I got the towels, water, soap all ready and went to get the first one for their bath. I went to their area and Ross and Joey were in a heap sleeping. Phoebe was all alone by the litter box, I picked her up and knew right away that something was wrong. She was very sick. Not sure what was happening, I gave her some sugar water thinking that her blood sugars were low. Her jaw was clamped shut so tightly that if I were to try to open it I felt like I would break her jaw. I put her on the kitchen floor so I could see what she was able to do, and she couldn't use her back leg at all. I put her on a the heating pad that I always put kittens on after a bathe and called Mary. Went over to Mary's to see what she thought. We both knew that Phoebe was dying, we both knew that it was so close that the vet wouldn't be able to save her. I brought her home, kept her warm and watched and did a whole lot of praying for this little girl. I held, talked, sang and rocked her. I offered bottles b/c formula is a comfort food, but with a jaw so tight I was able to get very little into her. I put her to bed and got up a few times to check on her. The last time I got up with her was about 2:30am, she was still alive. I offered more formula and tucked her back into bed. I got up for the day just after 5am to find that Phoebe didn't make it. Jilly and I buried her in the backyard with a parrot of mine that died last year. Ross and Joey were set to go to their foster home in KW. I got them ready, they played on the kitchen floor for a while. When Mary showed up, I kissed them, reminded them to be good little boys and loaded Ross into the carrier. Took a good look at Joey just before I put him in and he didn't look well, something was clearly wrong with this little man. I decided to hang on to him for a bit longer and take him to the vet here in town. I sent Ross with Mary. The vet didn't see a whole lot wrong with him, suggested that b/c of his prolapsed eye lids he either had parasites or a neruo issue. He also gave fluid under the skin. I brought him home and found later on that afternoon that was constipated so I ran his bum under the kitchen tap to help him pass what was blocking him up. It finally passed and he perked up about 5:30. Sunday and Monday he seemed to be doing better. Plans were made for him to join his brother on Wednesday. Tuesday things didn't look so well, he was walking really oddly, his back legs were sliding out from under him. I called TCR and suggested that he visit the vet in KW before he was dropped at his new home the next day, they agreed. Loaded him up on Wednesday and off we went. We had to do some other things before our appt so we took food, water, wipes and extra blankets etc etc along. We arrived at about 12:30 and fed him, he ate like a champ and had a huge poop in the box and seemed ok. The vet didn't know what to say really so offered to keep him there for a couple of days to evaluate him. I called Thursday morning and he was doing well, he ate like a little piggy they said and were going to start him on some antibiotics and release him the next day. I was very excited he was going to be ok, I mean after all the vet wouldn't release him if they thought he had big issues. This was good news. Friday morning I got an e-mail about Joey. Sometime that morning he was really having a hard time breathing, the vet didn't think he recover so they euthanized him. I was devastated. this was the same little kitten that just the day before was doing so well and was going to be released this very morning. I have lost kittens before and while they all are sad and heartbreaking, the loss of Joey was the hardest loss I have had so far. I knew him, I loved him. He was almost 7 weeks old and had been with me a month. I have never had a loss after they had been here that long and not after they were weaned. I was a sobbing mess. I have been racking my brain asking myself what I could have done differently, what did I do wrong, what did I miss? He was also the first male I have lost. I know realistically I have done nothing wrong, I know I did the right things. I feel horrible about him dying at the vets office, even though I'm sure someone was holding him or comforting him it was still in such a cold place. He died without me there. I hope as he was leaving the earth to go to the bridge that he knew how much he was loved. When Joey got sick last weekend, I had said that if he died I was done with rescue. However I have an reason to keep going on....Mouse is my reason, if you remember the story of the littlest sickest kitten I did last summer you will remember how his life hung by a thread and many days his life was minute to minute, hour to hour (if you have't read Mouse's story you can find it by reading earlier postings). But eventually Mouse went from Mouse to Moose. it took a long time and a lot of vet visits and tons of love and time, but he lived and has been adopted and is doing very well. When I think that I don't make a difference all I have to do is remember my wee mouse man and know that I HAVE made it matter, I did the right things. I am a good rescue person and I do,and will continue to do a good job. Mouse isn't the only one, Hope, Jimmy, were also quite sick but they survived with the same love and care that everyone else got. I didn't do anything for them that I didn't do for Joey. Sometimes no matter what we do, kittens die. Sometimes we know why, but sometimes we don't. No matter how or why, sometimes they just die. I'm not expecting a loss to get easier and I will never be ok with it happening but sometimes no matter how much you do, how much you love them, they just die. So I will continue doing rescue, I will continue making a difference. Ross is doing very well in his foster home and we stopped by to see him last week. He has a big belly, is so snuggly and so happy and full of life. It was good to see him to see and know that he is ok, and that whatever killed his brother and sister doesn't seem to affect him in anyway. They will keep a close eye on him and watch for anything out of the ordinary, but he is doing very well.